The Hidden Gem of Spiritual Direction
An ancient practice for modern times
As the initial surge of Covid raged and the hospital was Ground Zero for unfathomable chaos, I was not feeling my regular, spiritually attuned self.
It was the first time in my life I didn’t want to go to work and I rued my decision to ever enter the field of healthcare. It was devastating to witness that much terrible death, made harder still by the fear we all carried of contracting what was then an unknown illness. My usual self-care mentalities and coping mechanisms weren’t serving me. And quarantining from my family was more difficult than I ever could have imagined.
I wished there was something else I could do for a living that didn’t involve putting myself and my family at risk. I was jealous of everyone working from home (although maybe not jealous of my husband who had to navigate virtual nursery school and kindergarten). I doubted my call and the sustainability of caring for people day in and day out. I was not so happy with God and the lack of divine presence I was feeling while holding ipads up in ICUs for loved ones to tell families their final goodbyes.
So, I sought out a Spiritual Director.
I had my first session with my Spiritual Director, Karla and I cried through most of it. She held the space for me over zoom to say the words to her that I was having trouble saying to God. She listened attentively and normalized all that I was going through. We sat together as I grieved all the losses I was holding. She prayed for and with me. It was the first time in a while that I was the recipient of prayer, and not the professional pray-er.
Slowly, over several months, I crept out of despair. Of course there were other factors that helped (vaccinations, lower death rates, seeing friends again, schools resuming, etc) but Spiritual Direction helped me find a connection with the holy when mine felt tenuous.
Because of my healing experience, I trained to become a Spiritual Director for others. It was also a plan B career plan, in case I continued to dread working in a hospital. Thankfully that phase subsided and I enjoy hospital chaplaincy and education again but I still do Spiritual Direction on the side. It complements my hospital work as I get to have ongoing relationships with individuals in my Spiritual Direction practice, compared to the short-term nature of in-patient care or frequent turnover of students within the academic year.
What started out as a SOS in a time of stormy waters has become a meaningful evolution of my call.
So, what exactly is Spiritual Direction?
Spiritual Direction is a distinctive vocational practice. It is the gentle process of having someone journeying alongside you as you seek to deepen your relationship to the divine. It is having a supportive companion to help you investigate your own spirituality and sense of the world.
"Spiritual direction is, at its core, helping a person attend to God’s presence in their life." – Margaret Guenther
The history of Spiritual Direction can be traced back to the early Christian hermits, monks, and nuns living in the Middle East in the third century. These Desert Mothers and Fathers practiced asceticism and provided spiritual guidance to those who sought them out. The concept of Spiritual Direction has evolved over time with many mystics and theologians expanding the practice. Today, Spiritual Direction is practiced by people from various religious backgrounds or none whatsoever. It emphasizes deep listening, discernment and personal experience of the transcendent.
“Spiritual direction is for anyone yearning for God. Sometimes this desire appears as a sense of longing for something greater or a sense of discontent with the status quo. For others this pining is more focused, rising from a clear understanding that a sense of God’s presence is missing from particular parts of life.” – Richard Foster
Who are Spiritual Directors?
Some Spiritual Directors are clergy, others are lay people. All of them have a heart for listening to people and have undergone a 2-3 year training program. Similar to CPE (the course I teach in the hospital), the education is a mix of reading, listening to lectures and engaging in the practical work of proving spiritual direction, meeting with a peer group and having Spiritual Direction yourself.
(Quick disclaimer - I do not love the term Spiritual Direction. The people doing the work are called Spiritual Directors, the people seeking out their services are called Directees. It just does not roll off the tongue. Others instead call themselves Spiritual Companions or Spiritual Guides. I like these terms a bit better, but they aren’t the most common.)
The other reason the term Spiritual Director is a bit of a misnomer, is because I am not directing someone’s spiritual life. We are seeking that direction from God, together. Many in the Spiritual Direction realm will often assert that “God is the true director.” I am merely a co-journey-er with you as we both listen for the divine together.
What does Spiritual Direction Look like?
Spiritual Direction is a time set apart to listen for the Spirit’s leading in your life. It is similar to chaplaincy as it creates space for you to name whatever is on your heart at that moment. With some of my directees, they don’t know what they are going to talk about until they show up and are sometimes surprised with what comes up. It is an intentional time for us to be in the presence of God, whatever that looks like.
Most sessions are between 45 minutes to an hour. They can be online or in person. (I have a beautiful office in NJ, but all my current directees are on zoom!) I meet with my directees about once a month, although sometimes more frequently if they need to. Spiritual Directors start the sessions in different ways. Some light a candle, recite a reading, engage in silence or say a prayer. And then it unfolds, with directees sharing whatever is stirred up within them. And I listen deeply. I will share some insights here and there, but mostly it is reflective time together. I have more of a contemplative bent, so we will engage in silence or a meditative practice in real time. There are sometimes tears, sometimes laughter, maybe both.
There are also Spiritual Direction groups, which can have a different feel and we will address that in a future post, but if you’re starting out with this practice, I recommend trying individually focused sessions first.
I asked some of my directees how they define spiritual direction and/or how it impacts them and here are some of their responses:
It is a pouring into myself, when I’m used to pouring out for others. A place to be listened to and cared for without judgment. Giving me room to breathe a breath of fresh air. Helping me see God in my life and feeling more present in the moment.
Spiritual direction is like swimming in an ocean of beliefs, ideas, hopes, and fears and then someone comes alongside of you and points you in the direction of a lifebuoy, and that lifebuoy is tethered to God. It’s been there all along, but we get so caught up in the waves that we forget. With so many narratives competing for my attention, spiritual direction helps me orient in the direction of love, grace, peace, joy, and hope.
Spiritual direction, for me, is speaking aloud the thoughts, emotions, desires of my heart and having them reflected back to me in ways that helps me formulate what my next moves are. It’s been another way for me to hear from Spirit. I get from spiritual direction affirmation and validation; a sense that the path/journey I’m on has been created just for me.
Spiritual Direction has been a time of reflection and the opportunity to share my feelings. I truly see it as a type of Spiritual Formation. What I get out of it is guidance, and the ability to process my thoughts. Also the opportunity to connect with God on a deeper level.
Photo by Rebecca Peterson-Hall on Unsplash
Is it just for religious people?
While I’ve been referencing God here, Spiritual Direction is not just for those who believe in God. It’s not even reserved for those who are religious. There are Spiritual Directors of all faiths and no faith traditions. When I’m working with an individual whose framework is not one that has a central deity, we focus on what they are longing for and what their spirituality looks like. It is like hospital chaplaincy, in that the Spiritual Director is meeting people where they are.
I think more people would love Spiritual Direction, if they only knew what it was! We have a marketing problem, as it is like a best kept secret, when it shouldn’t be! I grew up in the church and yet never heard about it until I went to seminary. This is a helpful practice that so many could benefit from, though likely have never heard of it before!
How is it different from therapy?
As a former therapist, I see similarities but also distinctive differences. Both professions involve deep listening and occasional reflective questions and insights. Therapists are treating specific issues as it relates to one’s overall well-being and day-to-day functioning. Spiritual Direction is less goal-oriented and focuses on the relationship one has (or wants) with the Divine.
I might be biased, but I think everyone could benefit from therapy AND spiritual direction! It was my therapist who first pointed out to me that I needed more care practices during Covid and that I wasn’t talking about God as much as I normally did. There are issues that I discuss in therapy that also impact my spirituality, and therapeutic issues that come up in spiritual direction. Many of my directees are also in therapy, which is complementary to our work together.
Also, an unfortunate practical matter is that Spiritual Direction doesn’t take insurance! But many Spiritual Directors will work with you to do a sliding scale so that financial hardship doesn’t limit you from engaging in this practice.
What are common themes in Spiritual Direction?
Every Spiritual Direction session is unique, just as every individual has distinct issues. But here are some themes I see frequently (and some of them I will delve into more fully in future posts).
You are in the midst of discernment – or struggling to make a choice or figure out what’s next in your life.
You’re feeling distant from (and/or angry with) God.
The faith of your childhood no longer fits.
Trying to find a spiritual identity after spiritual abuse.
You’re looking for more meaning or purpose in your life.
You want to engage in spiritual practices but have no idea where to start.
If you are struggling with any of these, it might be worth booking a session yourself.
How do I find a Spiritual Director?
Spiritual Directors International is the organization that maintains a database of trained Spiritual Directors. You can even sort by religious affiliation, areas of expertise and/or geographic location. Most Spiritual Directors have websites you can peruse. I reccommend booking a consultation and/or having 2-3 sessions with a person to see if you’re a good fit together.
Of course you’re always welcome to reach out to me to book a session. But if you know me in real life or would prefer someone else, I don’t take offense!
Christine, I love your deep dive into this. It's funny, I've felt drawn both to hospital chaplaincy and spiritual Direction. But have landed on pursuing S.D. for now, and there had been so much affirmation in my spirit. I'm halfway done! (Literally reading Margaret Guenther's book right now :)
Maybe one day I'll go down the chaplaincy road too...
When I was offering spiritual direction, I always found it difficult to adequately describe to others. This is a great explanation, Christine! I love it. And I'm with you on the term 'spiritual direction' - I've often wanted to find a replacement term, but nothing that resonated enough with me that others would still understand. When I volunteered at the womens' prison offering spiritual direction, we called ourselves 'Soul Care Mentors.' It seemed to work well at that time.