A Prescription for Imposter Syndrome
Six ways to find relief from this chronic condition
“Who am I to do this work?”
“What can I possibly offer others?”
“Who would want to talk with/listen to me?”
These are the questions I hear from my interns when they begin their chaplaincy work. When preparing to sit with others in pain, most of my chaplain students feel inadequate. They are afraid of doing/saying the wrong thing. And then they question their own sense of self-esteem and self-worth as it relates to their chosen vocation.
In the chaplaincy world we have a term called Pastoral Authority. While I don’t love the phrase (it’s too Christian), its sentiment speaks to what is at the root of these questions. Pastoral Authority is having confidence and value in yourself and your role as a spiritual care provider. It is believing that you have something to offer the patients/family/staff you interact with. The lack of Pastoral Authority can lead us to second guess our effectiveness as well as our identity.
We all feel this way, regardless of what our callings happen to be.
A few weeks ago, I was on a panel at my hospital for an International Women’s Day Conference (pic below) and the question I was given to answer was on Imposter Syndrome: “Have I ever experienced it, how have I overcome it?”
The audience audibly gasped when I began by saying “I am a chronic sufferer of Imposter Syndrome.”
I’d like to think the gasps were from those who know me and were surprised because I don’t come across that way. But the shocked response was probably because we are not used to people naming their insecurities and vulnerabilities, especially not in a public setting.
There is power in naming. My hope is that it normalizes the experience for others, to know they are not alone. To give something a term means that you can work with it, rather than have it take up amorphous residence in your soul. As I’ve said before, to name it is to tame it. I am glad the term is more common now, because when I first heard it a few years ago, it was a revelation. “That’s what I’ve been suffering from all these years!” To have a diagnosis brought relief.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter Syndrome is a phenomenon that was first identified and named in 1978 by psychologists Paulie Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes as they studied high achieving women.1 It’s not actually a clinical condition, but a dynamic that occurs when someone doubts their own abilities. It is a mix of a persistent state of anxiousness and low self-esteem. Despite outward success, the individual does not believe they are capable and sometimes results in feeling like a “fraud” or a “phony.”
I think there is a high occurrence of this in women from a societal perspective, as we were raised with and internalized sexism. Recent research has shown that it is just as prevalent in men. Many of us feel “less than” on a daily basis.
I have embraced my self-diagnosis. This condition is far more persnickety than any of my medical conditions. There’s no easy remedy to rid yourself of the symptoms, but here is the treatment plan I’ve come up with for myself and maybe it will work for you.
Six Ways to Treat Imposter Syndrome
1. Examine & Then Ignore Your Feelings
Acknowledging your emotions around a task/role can be the first step to addressing them. (If you need a refresher on basic feelings see below)
This is also a place where our feelings can play tricks on us. There is a difference between feeling inadequate and being inadequate. We have to check our feelings against facts. Our cognitive distortions of not being good at something can obscure all evidence to the contrary. So let’s investigate our feelings, but they don’t get to have the last word.
2. Talk to Yourself with Compassion
I talk to myself far more negatively than I would ever dream of talking to someone else. I suspect that may be true for you as well. This kind of self-talk is common, but it’s not healthy! I invite you to notice how you talk to yourself.
What are the phrases that rattle around in your mind when Imposter Syndrome rears its head? Some common ones:
“I’m not good enough” “Everyone else is better at this than me” “I can’t do this.” “I’m not smart enough/young enough/spiritual enough/____ enough”
Do any of these sound familiar? If so, there is an opportunity to speak more compassionately to yourself.
Psychologist Dr. Kristen Neff created a Mindful-Self Compassion practice which has been valuable to me. It is simple in theory:
“Self-compassion is the process of turning compassion inward. We’re kind and understanding rather than harshly self-critical when we fail, make mistakes, or feel inadequate. We give ourselves support and encouragement rather than being cold or judgmental when challenges and difficulties arise in our lives.” 2
My substack friend
is a therapist who uses Neff’s work and offers practical insight on how to engage in more self-compassion in her excellent post “Self Compassion Makes Us Stronger, Not Softer.”As I’ve incorporated self-compassion into my own work, I’ve posed the following variations of a question to others (and myself). The answers result in a powerful re-framing. It helps us recognize we have the opportunity to be more encouraging and gentle with ourselves.
As a therapist I asked clients “What would you say to your friend? What would a friend say to you?
As a chaplain educator I ask students “What would you say to a patient?”
As a Spiritual Director I ask people “What would God say to you?”
3. Cultivate a Hype Team
Speaking of what would your friend say to you – I recommend a hype team! Get yourself a team of friends/family/colleagues who think the world of you! These are the people in your corner you can turn to when those negative thoughts hit. They can help you see what you may have trouble seeing for yourself. They can pump you up when something is feeling overwhelming. Reach out to these cheerleaders before an interview, a big meeting or something that is causing you to doubt your abilities.
Borrow their voices to convince you of your awesomeness.
When I interview chaplain interns/residents I ask them about their strengths and some have trouble naming and claiming them. I try to lighten the mood and joke that I want them to “brag to me” and they laugh and still can’t do it. But when I ask them “How would your friends describe you?” they can finally tout all their great qualities.
4. Fake It Until You Make It
This is a great mantra from Alcoholics Anonymous. While it works for those in addiction charting a new path and taking one day at a time, it’s also applicable here. Sometimes you just have to pretend you can do the thing before you’re convinced that you can.
My imposter syndrome flares up majorly when I am doing something new. I jump to reasons I cannot take on the challenge. The first time I was asked to teach a doctoral class at a seminary? I don’t even have a doctorate! The first time I was a guest on a podcast? I have a speech impediment! It’s not only the negative self-talk, but I disqualify myself with facts. Instead of identifying all the reasons why we can’t do something, let’s take a leap and try it out. We learn best by doing, even if it takes us out of our comfort zone. Now I’ve taught that class for 6 years and have been on dozens of podcasts and both are no big deal.
Time and experience are excellent antidotes to imposter syndrome.
Worries about inadequacy might erupt when it’s a new thing, but let’s tamp down the fear and play up the excitement of being “scited.”
5. Ask Yourself WWMD?
You may remember that popular saying emblazoned on bracelets in the '90s - WWJD? You might think that since I'm a Presbyterian minister, I'm going to ask What Would Jesus Do in this situation. But no, I suggest asking What Would Men Do? Would a man be afraid to ask for a raise? Start that new endeavor? Raise their hand in class?
As the director of a hospital spiritual care department I am responsible for hiring chaplains. When I have posted job openings in the past, I received scores of resumes from men who didn’t meet the entry-level requirements for the position. Some even acknowledged this lack in their cover letter as not an issue, that they could do the job for all sorts of other reasons. Meanwhile, when I called women I knew who were qualified but didn’t apply, they confessed to to me they didn’t think they had a chance, so didn’t apply.
Now, I know that men suffer from imposter syndrome as well. But for this exercise, think of someone you know of whatever gender, who has a lot of confidence (maybe even more than they should!) and use them as a guide on how to act.
6. Have Two Pieces of Paper in your Pockets
One of the joys of being in interfaith work means I have a lot of friends who are rabbis and Jewish scholars. Many are part of my hype team and they’ve also taught me the concept of holding two pieces of paper, which helps me fend off Imposter Syndrome.3 This is an oral teaching of Rabbi Simcha Bunim from the late 18th century in Poland. He said that everyone should walk around with one piece of paper in each pocket. In one pocket, the paper says, “I am but dust and ashes.” In the other pocket is a piece of paper that reads, “The world was created for me.” 4
I love this rabbinic guidance for a few reasons. First is the balance of needing BOTH pieces of paper. Sometimes we need to be reminded of one concept over the other. The wisdom is knowing which paper to look at in a particular moment. But both are true all the time. (And if you’ve been journeying alongside with my writing – you know that rituals of ashes are meaningful to me as a reminder of our own mortality.)
I tend to live in the place “I am but dust and ashes.” Rabbi Bunim reminds me that I need to remember that other piece of paper too – “The world was created for me.”
And when you believe the world was created for you, that is all the Pastoral Authority you need to find relief from the diagnosis of Imposter Syndrome.
Have you suffered from this chronic condition of IS as well? What helps you manage the symptoms?
What would God say to you about this? Or your best friend?
Who is on your Hype Team?
What would you write on your pieces of paper?
How can you speak compassionately to yourself when your imposter syndrome flares up?
https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fh0086006
Thanks hype team friends! Also, if you are reading these, please clarify in the comments how I may have gotten this interpretation wrong and/or add your own thoughts on it!
From Kol Simcha, Parshat Vayerah
As I start something new on my Substack and continue healing from trauma, I’ve felt like an imposter in my own life the past few weeks. Which leads me to question whether or not the world was created for me? Immediately after reading, my evangelical upbringing says this is complete untruth, setting us lowly humans up to be gods. What would you say back to this questioning (which surely reflects my current lack of self-esteem)? Thanks for sharing with so much compassion and vulnerability.
I so love this post, Christine. I too experience the Imposter Monster :) There are some unique ideas here such as a the hype team and the 2 papers - I love those. And I love Kristin Neff's work as well. Probably the most helpful part of your post was reminding me of how human it can be to have this experience, not to mention how common it is. I suspect, ironically, that those who are most prone to experiencing imposter syndrome are most likely to be those who are most opposite of it - authentic, genuine, enough, and present to themselves (and anything else that can be thought of as "opposite" to an imposter) - in so many ways.