I've been gripped by St. John the crosses writings since I found his work three years ago. I appreciate how you used a personal story as an intro which allowed me to be more open to learn about it on a conceptual level. Your signs of how one may be in a dark night and what to do about it were wise and helpful. Check out the turning to the mystics podcast on the dark night of the soul. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
The fact that you are trained as a chaplain and director and use this framework is very encouraging. I will refer this article and your work as applicable.
Thank you, So Much, Christine, for all you put in this reflection!!! I've shared it with family and friends. I've gone through a number of Dark Nights of my soul. In 1984, in that terrible Dark Night, I learned and accepted more, the absolute vulnerability we all have, no matter how well and solid we think our mental and spiritual health. I wrote about it now in my two books, to support others in their recovery, questions, and spiritual growth. I'm glad you have done so much to teach important truth, and share your journey as woman, chaplain, and educator. With much love and appreciation, Pauline
Oh thank you for sharing about your Dark Nights, both here and in your books. Would you be willing to put some links to your books here so that others might discover your writing and feel supported by your words?
Thanks for reading and I'm excited to check out your poetry. I'm glad to hear you had someone walking with you in your Dark Night, I appreciate you sharing that here.
As to your question, I think our reasons for crying can vary greatly. If you're unable to cry - I don't think it's a bad sign, but it's worth being curious about. Maybe you're all tapped out of tears, maybe you're scared to let go in the way that crying can feel uncontrollable, maybe you're expressing your distress differently. Also, some people just aren't criers (meanwhile I can barely watch commercials without tearing up).
Thank you for your response. I’m a sympathetic crier so it’s definitely not that last one!😂. Thanks for checking out my poetry! I’m currently working on writing a poem for every Psalm in the Bible
If your writing is this deep, reflective, and thoughtful, I can only imagine the depths of your gifting as a chaplain and spiritual director. A privilege to sit with this feast this evening, Christine ...
Thanks Nicole! This post had a bunch more writers than usual because I wanted to get it right and borrow some words of experts to show what a universal experience this can be!
You are that “outstretched hand” for so many dear Christine. I am going to read this over and over and share with a person very important to me who I recognize is in this spiritual state. This is one of the richest, well researched and thought out reflections on Dark Night I have seen. Thank you. I’m so blessed to be part of your community as we “Journey Alongside”.
Hi Christine, greetings from Vancouver Island, BC :)
I love your meaningful, powerful, thought-provoking and comforting articles, and this is no exception. I eagerly await each one :)
I’m in this phase myself and seem to be over and over again. Just when the dark night seems to have passed and I glimpse the dawn and feel so much gratitude for having gotten through …another dark night of the soul arises, a ten year pattern at this point, quite unrelenting (as friends of mine who know my life circumstances would agree!).
Do you have any further suggestions to those for whom such dark nights return again and again with barely a dawn in between? It’s hard to find hope and not give into despair when this feels like the pattern. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
Love and light to you and thank you for all you do <3
Rebecca, I'm glad my articles are resonating with you, thanks so much for reading. It gladens my heart to know you look forward to them. Especially when I wrestle with what to write or how to write it!
Thank you also for your vulnerability here. It is so hard to go through cycles of this with not much of a break. Since you asked, here's some more suggestions (some of which I edited out of this article as it was getting quite long):
Getting through a Dark Night Additional Suggestions:
Movement - even if it is gentle, like yoga or walking, do something with your body. Dark Nights can have a significant physical component, so it is helpful to add more movement into your day to help give balance.
Service - sometimes helping others can help us in the moment. Don't take on anything too grand, but small acts of service, volunteering, caring for others can take you out of your limited world view for a little while and give perspective.
Nature - This is my quick fix for most things - nature always helps!
For the repeated Dark Nights/Patterns (I would say you are not alone! And other readers here may have additional insights/suggestions!)
- I would try to see if you can find patterns. Some questions to consider - Do they always start with a certain event (ie. trauma, loss, etc)? Are they occuring around the same time in the seasonal year? Do they last the same amount of time? Or have the earlier ones been longer with getting shorter as they go or maybe vice versa? Do different things help you at different times?
- It sounds like you have some good support already, so I'd encourage you to lean into that and also ask your friends what they see and how they are seeing it as they might be able to help you with the pattern questions above.
- You may want to focus on your resilience (maybe a future article will address this one more fully) because it sounds like you have a lot of it to have gotten through much distress. Sometimes having that to cling to can buoy you in stormier seas.
- Finally, this might be a cop out, as it's my answer to many things - but you may want to increase your support - such as therapy, spiritual direction, some other professionals. They can help you work out some of the unprocessed things from your earlier dark nights which might still be contributing to future ones.
I. Am. Weeping. Thank you so much CVD. I am familiar with Ego Death, but I have not heard of it stated as Dark Night of the Soul. Your letter led me to YouTube where Eckhart Tolle described much of your letter and sentiment of going through the Dark Night.
Yes, it is very much like Ego Death! I actually had a quote by Eckart Tolle in my draft, but my husband (who edits my posts) told me it was too long and not needed!
I hope your sister finds her dawn soon and I know how lucky she is to have you as a beacon at this time.
Thanks for sharing all this wisdom. I love the stories you share in your writing. Every person I've ever interviewed has one way or another shared how their Dark Night of the Soul was incredibly difficult, but they would never want to go back to before. I can say that's true from own my story as well. 🤍
Oh I hadn't realized that about your podcast, but yes that makes sense. And I love that it's called "We have this hope" because even in that Dark Night, the hope is (usually) still felt, even if faint. And I agree with you, I wouldn't want to go back either, as it led to much meaning making and is such a part of my formation now.
A powerful, moving story to introduce an important part of the spiritual life. Thanks Christine! This issue of your newsletter is so rich and informative.
Christine, your newsletter is always so comforting. I sent this article to my mom, who as you know is grieving the loss of her husband of 40 years. Thank you for your work and writing ❤️
I'm so touched that you shared this with your mom! I hope she found it helpful. Grief often submerges us into one colossal dark night which can last so long and feel as though things are getting much worse before they get better.
This is beautiful and informative, Christine! Thank you for digging into a part of the human experience that, in my experience, is rarely spoken of but very real. I'm not sure that I have defined my life's low points as "dark nights of the soul," but I can recall at least one such period of time ... and that when I emerged from it, I realized my faith had migrated from my head to my heart. That was a huge and unexpected blessing.
Thanks Sarah, I know it is so relatable for many, even if we don't have the exact term for it! And how beautiful that your faith moved from your head to your heart. That is such a gift, hardwon as it may have been. Thanks for sharing it here!
As we sort of alluded to on Wednesday, July 2021-July 2022 was my hardest time in COVID and my first deep dark night of the soul. I think the main thing that helped was time, which sucked. I am a tremendously impatient person and I think by temperament, reinforced by profession, I don't like to let things happen, I make things happen. The other thing that helped was simply having the experience that I could feel these very uncomfortable emotions and be ok. I think if/when I am supporting someone through this in the future, I would just bring so much tenderness, wrapping them in a blanket, brewing a cup of tea, stroking their hair. Just that gentle presence to let them know someone cares because, as you said, usually you feel so alone.
I love the image of you caring for someone going through it very tenderly and can only imagine the special herbal tea you would whip up!
I am with you (no surprise) in that Covid was such a collective, long Dark Night. I can't recall if I said it when we met, but the hard thing is that I'm not sure still what the dawn brought on the otherside of it - at least on the societal level. Still figuring it out on the personal level too!
Yeah, Dark Night of the Soul Tea, I'll have to trademark that :) I think as far as an underworld journey goes, I think most of us are just starting to ascend from the underworld and we're not back up to the surface yet, where we start to understand who we are now that we're in this new place. I've had some big changes with my relationship to emotions, certainty, and control that make that a mostly good though tremendously uncomfortable thing that has come out of it individually, but I think the collective denial leaves us stuck in the underworld while thinking we're back on the surface.
This is another powerful piece, Christine. It makes me feel even more blessed and grateful for our connection, AND I am a little envious of those who receive your support in person!
I recognise many 'symptoms' of the Dark Night of the Soul. I poured them into journals, or pillow screams/punches late at night. I had thought Bruce Feiler's description of 'lifequakes' (from his book 'Life is in the Transitions') was good. However, your explanation and suggestions have a much deeper resonance. Saving to ponder and journal, and refer back to my old journals.
P.S. Thank you for NOT including any 'shoulds' or 'must dos'. You have a beautiful way of explaining without lecturing! (no surprise, given your role. I'm grateful!)
Thanks Victoria! This post had been on my list to write for some time, but your collobration helped me to put it together sooner! Your description of journals and pillow punching/screams are so vivid (and common). Thank you for sharing them here so that others can get a sense of what their Dark Nights might have or could look like.
Thank you for this reminder of the Dark Nights, Christine. I so appreciate your list of supportive ideas for being with this soul season. This has certainly named my experience of the past year plus of my life. And in that time I often remember that growth happens in the dark - in wombs, in soil, in the dormancy of trees, all growth, somewhat imperceptible but unmistakably happening below the surface of our awareness.
Thanks Beth Anne for naming what this season has been like for you. I look forward to seeing what your dawn looks like. And glad that you are able to cling to that hope of growth. All those metaphors are powerful!
I've been gripped by St. John the crosses writings since I found his work three years ago. I appreciate how you used a personal story as an intro which allowed me to be more open to learn about it on a conceptual level. Your signs of how one may be in a dark night and what to do about it were wise and helpful. Check out the turning to the mystics podcast on the dark night of the soul. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
The fact that you are trained as a chaplain and director and use this framework is very encouraging. I will refer this article and your work as applicable.
Thanks for reading and I'm glad that it resonated with you. I appreciate the podcast recommendation - I look forward to checking that out!
Thank you, So Much, Christine, for all you put in this reflection!!! I've shared it with family and friends. I've gone through a number of Dark Nights of my soul. In 1984, in that terrible Dark Night, I learned and accepted more, the absolute vulnerability we all have, no matter how well and solid we think our mental and spiritual health. I wrote about it now in my two books, to support others in their recovery, questions, and spiritual growth. I'm glad you have done so much to teach important truth, and share your journey as woman, chaplain, and educator. With much love and appreciation, Pauline
Oh thank you for sharing about your Dark Nights, both here and in your books. Would you be willing to put some links to your books here so that others might discover your writing and feel supported by your words?
Love this post! Yes I experienced a dark night of the soul, but was able to get through it with Scripture and a tender pastor.
I have a question. What if you’re in a difficult situation, but you’re unable to cry? Is this a bad sign?
Thanks for reading and I'm excited to check out your poetry. I'm glad to hear you had someone walking with you in your Dark Night, I appreciate you sharing that here.
As to your question, I think our reasons for crying can vary greatly. If you're unable to cry - I don't think it's a bad sign, but it's worth being curious about. Maybe you're all tapped out of tears, maybe you're scared to let go in the way that crying can feel uncontrollable, maybe you're expressing your distress differently. Also, some people just aren't criers (meanwhile I can barely watch commercials without tearing up).
Thank you for your response. I’m a sympathetic crier so it’s definitely not that last one!😂. Thanks for checking out my poetry! I’m currently working on writing a poem for every Psalm in the Bible
If your writing is this deep, reflective, and thoughtful, I can only imagine the depths of your gifting as a chaplain and spiritual director. A privilege to sit with this feast this evening, Christine ...
Linda, that is so sweet of you to say, you've brought tears to my eyes!
Thank you for a beautiful, practical and affirming post. I appreciate how you blend your experience with such a range of writers and resources.
Thanks Nicole! This post had a bunch more writers than usual because I wanted to get it right and borrow some words of experts to show what a universal experience this can be!
You are that “outstretched hand” for so many dear Christine. I am going to read this over and over and share with a person very important to me who I recognize is in this spiritual state. This is one of the richest, well researched and thought out reflections on Dark Night I have seen. Thank you. I’m so blessed to be part of your community as we “Journey Alongside”.
Thanks Karla! You are a blessing for so many who are in the dark night and are such a beacon of light in the midst of it!
Hi Christine, greetings from Vancouver Island, BC :)
I love your meaningful, powerful, thought-provoking and comforting articles, and this is no exception. I eagerly await each one :)
I’m in this phase myself and seem to be over and over again. Just when the dark night seems to have passed and I glimpse the dawn and feel so much gratitude for having gotten through …another dark night of the soul arises, a ten year pattern at this point, quite unrelenting (as friends of mine who know my life circumstances would agree!).
Do you have any further suggestions to those for whom such dark nights return again and again with barely a dawn in between? It’s hard to find hope and not give into despair when this feels like the pattern. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
Love and light to you and thank you for all you do <3
Rebecca, I'm glad my articles are resonating with you, thanks so much for reading. It gladens my heart to know you look forward to them. Especially when I wrestle with what to write or how to write it!
Thank you also for your vulnerability here. It is so hard to go through cycles of this with not much of a break. Since you asked, here's some more suggestions (some of which I edited out of this article as it was getting quite long):
Getting through a Dark Night Additional Suggestions:
Movement - even if it is gentle, like yoga or walking, do something with your body. Dark Nights can have a significant physical component, so it is helpful to add more movement into your day to help give balance.
Service - sometimes helping others can help us in the moment. Don't take on anything too grand, but small acts of service, volunteering, caring for others can take you out of your limited world view for a little while and give perspective.
Nature - This is my quick fix for most things - nature always helps!
For the repeated Dark Nights/Patterns (I would say you are not alone! And other readers here may have additional insights/suggestions!)
- I would try to see if you can find patterns. Some questions to consider - Do they always start with a certain event (ie. trauma, loss, etc)? Are they occuring around the same time in the seasonal year? Do they last the same amount of time? Or have the earlier ones been longer with getting shorter as they go or maybe vice versa? Do different things help you at different times?
- It sounds like you have some good support already, so I'd encourage you to lean into that and also ask your friends what they see and how they are seeing it as they might be able to help you with the pattern questions above.
- You may want to focus on your resilience (maybe a future article will address this one more fully) because it sounds like you have a lot of it to have gotten through much distress. Sometimes having that to cling to can buoy you in stormier seas.
- Finally, this might be a cop out, as it's my answer to many things - but you may want to increase your support - such as therapy, spiritual direction, some other professionals. They can help you work out some of the unprocessed things from your earlier dark nights which might still be contributing to future ones.
I. Am. Weeping. Thank you so much CVD. I am familiar with Ego Death, but I have not heard of it stated as Dark Night of the Soul. Your letter led me to YouTube where Eckhart Tolle described much of your letter and sentiment of going through the Dark Night.
I shared with my grieving sister.
It landed.
We needed this breakthrough today.
Your writing is healing so many of us out here.
Thank you, thank you.
Much love to you from us both.
Yes, it is very much like Ego Death! I actually had a quote by Eckart Tolle in my draft, but my husband (who edits my posts) told me it was too long and not needed!
I hope your sister finds her dawn soon and I know how lucky she is to have you as a beacon at this time.
Thanks for sharing all this wisdom. I love the stories you share in your writing. Every person I've ever interviewed has one way or another shared how their Dark Night of the Soul was incredibly difficult, but they would never want to go back to before. I can say that's true from own my story as well. 🤍
Oh I hadn't realized that about your podcast, but yes that makes sense. And I love that it's called "We have this hope" because even in that Dark Night, the hope is (usually) still felt, even if faint. And I agree with you, I wouldn't want to go back either, as it led to much meaning making and is such a part of my formation now.
A powerful, moving story to introduce an important part of the spiritual life. Thanks Christine! This issue of your newsletter is so rich and informative.
Thanks Bishop! I know you have sat with so many people in this particular spiritual state.
Christine, your newsletter is always so comforting. I sent this article to my mom, who as you know is grieving the loss of her husband of 40 years. Thank you for your work and writing ❤️
I'm so touched that you shared this with your mom! I hope she found it helpful. Grief often submerges us into one colossal dark night which can last so long and feel as though things are getting much worse before they get better.
This is beautiful and informative, Christine! Thank you for digging into a part of the human experience that, in my experience, is rarely spoken of but very real. I'm not sure that I have defined my life's low points as "dark nights of the soul," but I can recall at least one such period of time ... and that when I emerged from it, I realized my faith had migrated from my head to my heart. That was a huge and unexpected blessing.
Thanks Sarah, I know it is so relatable for many, even if we don't have the exact term for it! And how beautiful that your faith moved from your head to your heart. That is such a gift, hardwon as it may have been. Thanks for sharing it here!
As we sort of alluded to on Wednesday, July 2021-July 2022 was my hardest time in COVID and my first deep dark night of the soul. I think the main thing that helped was time, which sucked. I am a tremendously impatient person and I think by temperament, reinforced by profession, I don't like to let things happen, I make things happen. The other thing that helped was simply having the experience that I could feel these very uncomfortable emotions and be ok. I think if/when I am supporting someone through this in the future, I would just bring so much tenderness, wrapping them in a blanket, brewing a cup of tea, stroking their hair. Just that gentle presence to let them know someone cares because, as you said, usually you feel so alone.
I love the image of you caring for someone going through it very tenderly and can only imagine the special herbal tea you would whip up!
I am with you (no surprise) in that Covid was such a collective, long Dark Night. I can't recall if I said it when we met, but the hard thing is that I'm not sure still what the dawn brought on the otherside of it - at least on the societal level. Still figuring it out on the personal level too!
Yeah, Dark Night of the Soul Tea, I'll have to trademark that :) I think as far as an underworld journey goes, I think most of us are just starting to ascend from the underworld and we're not back up to the surface yet, where we start to understand who we are now that we're in this new place. I've had some big changes with my relationship to emotions, certainty, and control that make that a mostly good though tremendously uncomfortable thing that has come out of it individually, but I think the collective denial leaves us stuck in the underworld while thinking we're back on the surface.
This is another powerful piece, Christine. It makes me feel even more blessed and grateful for our connection, AND I am a little envious of those who receive your support in person!
I recognise many 'symptoms' of the Dark Night of the Soul. I poured them into journals, or pillow screams/punches late at night. I had thought Bruce Feiler's description of 'lifequakes' (from his book 'Life is in the Transitions') was good. However, your explanation and suggestions have a much deeper resonance. Saving to ponder and journal, and refer back to my old journals.
P.S. Thank you for NOT including any 'shoulds' or 'must dos'. You have a beautiful way of explaining without lecturing! (no surprise, given your role. I'm grateful!)
Thanks Victoria! This post had been on my list to write for some time, but your collobration helped me to put it together sooner! Your description of journals and pillow punching/screams are so vivid (and common). Thank you for sharing them here so that others can get a sense of what their Dark Nights might have or could look like.
Thank you for this reminder of the Dark Nights, Christine. I so appreciate your list of supportive ideas for being with this soul season. This has certainly named my experience of the past year plus of my life. And in that time I often remember that growth happens in the dark - in wombs, in soil, in the dormancy of trees, all growth, somewhat imperceptible but unmistakably happening below the surface of our awareness.
Thanks Beth Anne for naming what this season has been like for you. I look forward to seeing what your dawn looks like. And glad that you are able to cling to that hope of growth. All those metaphors are powerful!
Very powerful moment in life for many.
Thanks Lindsey! I know you've walked with many in this place!