Dark Night of the Soul
How spiritual crisis can lead to a new dawn
“I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.”
~ Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark: Because Sometimes God Shows Up at Night
Sobs Too Deep for Words
A nurse called me at 2am and asked if I would sit with Selena, who was crying so hard she was keeping the other patients awake. I could hear her sobbing from the hallway. When I entered Selena’s room, it was dark. I could not see her well and she was sitting up in bed facing the wall.
I gingerly approached her bed and sat down in the chair next to her. I whispered my role as a chaplain to her and she grabbed my hand and held it tight for the next hour. As I sat with her “sacred tears” she kept her eyes screwed shut, despite the rivers flowing from them. She wailed and heaved heavily.
At one point she lamented (more to the wall than to me) “Where is God, why won’t He listen to me?” Later on she whispered, “I’m just so sick of all this shit.” Mostly she had no words as she wept into the darkness.
I said very little, as my words were not going to make it better. I hoped that bearing witness to her crying and lament was a numinous act.
There is a Christian scripture that describes the Holy Spirit interceding for us when we don’t know what to pray with “sighs too deep for words.” In seminary I wrote a paper arguing that “sighs” was too gentle of a word and a closer translation to the original Greek was “groans.” As I sat with Selena I wondered if it should really be “sobs too deep for words.”
Selena spent the night sobbing. Her experience is emblematic of something many of us go through in our spiritual lives. We know what it is to cry through the night, wondering if anyone hears us and feeling completely untethered to the world we thought we knew.
Walking Through the Darkness
There is a spiritual concept that originates from the writings of the 16th Spanish mystic Saint John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul. It describes a profound period of inner turmoil, spiritual crisis and emotional overwhelm. During this time, an individual may feel abandoned by God, disconnected from themselves and others and consumed by doubt, suffering or confusion. It might start due to loss or trauma or it may seem to have no root cause and come about unexpectedly.
It can feel like an eternal night and can go on for quite some time. Serena was crying in the literal night, but this can occur at all hours. The night refers to the obscurity and difficulty to see your way. It is the overwhelming sensation that all you have known is shifting and your footing is unsure. To go through this can be incredibly lonely and scary, especially if we do not understand what or why it is happening.
These Dark Nights, hard as they are to endure, are often the catalyst that leads to a deepening of our spiritual lives. They can be a necessary and transformative journey through which we can emerge with greater clarity, humility, and a deeper sense of peace and faith.
Much like doubt is not the opposite of faith but a dynamic of it - enduring a Dark Night is part of what it is to lead a spiritual life. It can be an essential part of spiritual evolution. Dark nights are the growing pains of our lives.
“The soul has a natural desire to grow, and when it has achieved the height of its present potential, it requires a dark night to give birth to the next stage.”
~ Thomas Moore, Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life’s Ordeals
The Dark Night of the Soul strips away whatever we previously thought to be true, about ourselves and the universe at large. It is an existential wrestling with ourselves and our God that allows us to come out the other side with a richer understanding of both. It is the death of one part of ourselves and a rebirth of a future self. Some have compared it to a refining fire that brings us closer to our essence. Others have used the metaphor of a chrysalis, being thrust into darkness to undergo a monumental change into a butterfly.
We are plunged into this despair so that we can come to know the divine more fully. It is the darkness of separation before the sweet dawn of more abundance. It is the weeping in the night before the dancing in the morning. Or in St. John’s words “In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.”
Spiritual leader Ram Dass speaks to this liminal place thusly,
"The dark night of the soul is when you have lost the flavor of life but have not yet gained the fullness of divinity. So it is that we must weather that dark time, the period of transformation when what is familiar has been taken away and the new richness is not yet ours."
Being a Beacon in the Dark
Dark Nights are a difficult time to be sure. Some people have one such time in their lives, others may have several. These times cannot be rushed through. And while the meaning making on the other side can be liberating - it is hard to know what the next phase will look like when you are knee-deep in it.
There might be some “Asking Why” or lamenting, so if you are wondering how to accompany someone through that time, the advice I’ve given in these previous posts will likely apply:
As a hospital chaplain, I often sit with others in their Dark Nights of the Soul. Since I am with people temporarily, I don’t see the transformation happen but I always hope it does. I prayed that Selena eventually found purpose in her pain.
In my work as a Spiritual Director, I get to journey alongside people in this period of desolation. Sometimes it can last weeks or months - much longer than feels bearable. What amazes me about the phenomenon is that people still experience flickers of hope in the midst of this spiritual crisis. It is as if people have a sense that it is always darkest before dawn. And I do see them come out the other side with a deeper sense of knowing, connection and peace.
Signs You Might be in a Dark Night of the Soul
Here are some ways to identify this hard but generative state.
Sense of Spiritual Abandonment: Feeling as if God has withdrawn from your presence, leaving a deep sense of isolation or spiritual emptiness.
Loss of Purpose or Meaning: Experiencing profound doubt about one’s purpose or the meaning of life, even in areas that once provided clarity or direction.
Emotional Numbness: A feeling of emotional dryness or disconnection from experiences that once brought joy or fulfillment, including relationships, work or spiritual practices.
Persistent Inner Turmoil: A deep, unshakable sense of unease, confusion, or anguish, with no clear reason or resolution in sight.
Questioning of Beliefs: A period of intense questioning of faith, spiritual practices, or long-held beliefs, where old certainties feel unstable.
Feeling of Being Stuck: A sensation of being "stuck" in life, as if no progress is being made, and no clear path forward is visible.
Heightened Sensitivity: Increased emotional sensitivity, sometimes leading to feeling overwhelmed by ordinary events or the suffering of others.
Longing for Meaning: Despite the spiritual dryness, there is often an unshakable longing for deeper connection, truth or meaning, even if it feels out of reach.
As a former therapist, I am aware that some of these symptoms might sound like a depressive episode. But there is an important distinction: this experience is more of an existential or spiritual crisis. It challenges your beliefs, sense of purpose and connection with the Divine but is less about clinical symptoms like insomnia, changes in appetite or cognitive impairments. Sometimes the two conditions might overlap.
Below I provide some guidance for navigating a Dark Night of the Soul, but if you suspect your situation is more of a mental health crisis than a spiritual one, I recommend reaching out for psychological support. If you’re not sure where to start – here is a hotline.
How to Navigate a Dark Night of the Soul
Accept the Darkness
This is a natural part of spiritual life. It’s not often talked about so it can be difficult to figure out what is happening, especially if there was not a clear preceding event. If we can accept this dynamic and recognize its purpose, we can begin to settle into the darkness rather than fight against it. Normalizing what is going on can make it less scary and overwhelming. Julia Cameron writes this guideance in The Artist's Way Every Day: A Year of Creative Living.
"I believe that the dark night of the soul is a common spiritual experience. I believe, too, that the answer is continued seeking and perseverance. It helps to know that others have endured a loss of faith."
Know that You are Not Alone
While it is natural to feel that God is not with you, that is not the case. You may not see signs of divine presence but try to remind yourself that you have not been abandoned. Borrow the words of Sue Monk Kidd in When the Heart Waits,
“When we enter the spiritual night, we can feel alone, encompassed by a fearful darkness. What we need to remember is that we’re carried in God’s womb, in God’s divine heart, even when we don’t know it, even when God seems far away. That’s been my growing awareness. First God was only ‘up there.’ Then God was ‘all around.’ Next I began to see that God was also ‘within me.’ And now, most shocking of all, I was finding that I am and always was ‘within God.’”
Find Support
You may want to isolate yourself, but I encourage you to let others in. Whether it’s trusted friends, your clergy or a spiritual director, there are others you can turn to during this dark night. Some people might not fully understand or they may try to fix your situation or give you a religious platitude – if this happens, don’t let this dissuade you, there are those who are acquainted with the night and can keep vigil with you.
Be Gentle with Yourself
This is a piece of advice I give to people who are going through any major crisis. This is not the season to push yourself to do all the things. Remember this is temporary and give yourself grace to go easy and slow. You may be tempted to judge yourself, but this period has nothing to do with your worth or lack of faith. Engage in self-compassion and talk lovingly to yourself. Figure out what self-care practices feel good in this moment. I find that simple journaling and movement can help a lot in this period.
Look for Glimmers of Light
While dramatic revelations may not occur, pay attention to subtle moments of peace, clarity or relief. These glimmers of light can signal that transformation is underway, even if it’s gradual. Don’t dismiss these small signs as insignificant - they may be guiding you through the darkness.
Reflect on the Time
After the darkness begins to lift, take time to reflect on what you’ve learned. How has this period changed your spiritual life, your relationships or your understanding of yourself? Often, the true meaning only becomes clear after the experience has passed. Gerald May references some of these changes in The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth,
“Each experience of the dark night gives its gifts, leaving us freer than we were before, more available, more responsive, and more grateful. Like not knowing and lack of control, freedom and gratitude are abiding characteristics of the dark night. But they don’t arrive until the darkness passes. They come with the dawn.”
And if all of this guidance feels too much in this delicate time, simply read this poem:
What to do in the Darkness
By Marilyn Chandler McEntyre
Go slowly
Consent to it
But don't wallow in it
Know it as a place of germination
and growth
Remember the light
Take an outstretched hand if you find one
Exercise unused senses
Find the path by walking it
Practice trust
Watch for dawn
Have you endured a Dark Night of the Soul? If so, what helped? What did the dawn look like?
Have you noticed glimmers of light in turbulent times?
How might you care for someone going through this?
This post is part of a collaboration of substack writers on the topic of crying during the month of September. My post Sacred Tears was part of the impetus for the collaboration and you can read others in the series below:
Sept 1 Launch article: Caring About Crying. We All Cry. You’re Not Alone By Victoria at Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration
Sept 2 & 14 Crying: 'Did you know?' Resource: Tears the science and some art. By Victoria at Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration
Sept 3 'Cry, Baby. Why Our Tears Matter' A Podcast Interview. Dan Harris and Dr Bianca Harris of Ten Percent Happier with Reverend Benjamin Perry. By Victoria at Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration
Sept 4 ‘In Conversation with Rev. Benjamin Perry’. Victoria interviews the Author of 'Cry Baby: Why Our Tears Matter' By Victoria at Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration
Sept 5 ‘My stoic mom's parting gift: Making peace with tears’ By Sarah Coomber at Sandwich Season
Sept 6 We Invite You to 'Care About Crying'. By Victoria on behalf of the team.
Sept 6 ‘ICU Special Edition: There's Crying in Baseball?’ By Nurse Kristin at HCT:Heal Cure Treat
Sept 7 Triggered. Caring About Crying Anthology By Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD at After He Said Cancer and Anne at The Future Widow
Sept 8 'Can't Cry. Want to Cry??' A Caregiver's Paradox of Human-ing. By Victoria at Carer Mentor: Empathy and Inspiration
Sep 9 ‘AWC Town Bulletin - On Crying’ By Tiffany Chu and Bakhtawar at Asian Writers Collective
Sep 10 The Healing Power of Tears By Louisa Wah at Lily Pond
Sept 11 My Tears are not a Grief Gauge by Anna De La Cruz at Gen Xandwich
Sept 13 Sweet Relief After He Said Cancer | A Memoir by Kristina Adams Waldorf, MD at After He Said Cancer
Sept 15 When was the last time you cried in public? Moving from private grief to community healing by Mariah Friend at Heartbeats
Sept 16 Crying While Parenting: A Mindful Approach by Amber Groomes,Ph.D. at Dr. Amber_Writes.
Sept 17 Cry, Baby, Cry By Louisa Wah at Lily Pond
Sept 18 Why we stop crying by Rachel Ooi at Conscious Living
Sept 19 Carer Mentor Collaboration: my cup overfloweth with my tears By Christa Lei (They/Them) at Is This What You Want?
Sept. 20 Rain, Drought, Wherabout By bakhtawar at Stories and States
Next up - Lily Pond!
I've been gripped by St. John the crosses writings since I found his work three years ago. I appreciate how you used a personal story as an intro which allowed me to be more open to learn about it on a conceptual level. Your signs of how one may be in a dark night and what to do about it were wise and helpful. Check out the turning to the mystics podcast on the dark night of the soul. I'd like to hear your thoughts.
The fact that you are trained as a chaplain and director and use this framework is very encouraging. I will refer this article and your work as applicable.
If your writing is this deep, reflective, and thoughtful, I can only imagine the depths of your gifting as a chaplain and spiritual director. A privilege to sit with this feast this evening, Christine ...