I'm a recovering fixer too. When I trained to be a life and leadership coach a few years ago, it was so hard to stop giving advice. But it changed my entire outlook on ministry. I'm sending your post out to my Befrienders Care Team. We often say, "Care, not cure." Now we will say, "It's not about the nail!"
Running the risk of, er, fixing, I would like to commend this post to everyone, and in particular those in helping professions, or those who want to be.
My husband I have watched this hilarious (and accurate) video a ton of times. I appreciate your nuanced and realistic approach to the difficulty of discerning right action, or even inner knowing of what we need. Your example of Earl is very moving, it's one I will hold close to my heart when I am navigating difficult situations. Sadly it is also a reminder of how many times I got it wrong.
ah, the story under the story. it takes time, pauses, patience. "I just wish i could fix this." beautiful Christine. your students have a wise supervisor.
I think I’m going to assign this post to my CPE students. Maybe you can ‘fix’ the ‘fixing’.
But, if I’m being honest, the need to help or to fix is part of the reason I become a rabbi. I wanted everyone to experience what I found so helpful and meaningful through my values, community, and beliefs. It was not a terrible impulse-but it did lead to a lot of frustration and exhaustion on my part.
This is such a great post, Christine. Thank you for writing and sharing it. The fixer thing is real. As a former physical therapist, it could be tricky at times because as a healthcare provider, people do expect you to fix their problem. As I learned more and more about how trauma and illness affect the body, and how interconnected emotions and the physical body state could be, it became a more difficult role for me to take on. Having also trained as a spiritual director in my past, I knew the deep and vital value of non-fixing and holding space instead. It's a tricky line to tow in the healthcare field...
This is a great discussion Christine. When I was a pastor I was always in fixing mode but when I became a spiritual director I turned that mode off. So difficult to do when that’s your go to. Thankfully I’m so accustomed to listening mode that I resist fixing even when my directees are wanting me to make a decision for them. But the ones I’ve journeyed with the longest know that asking questions and listening is my practice and they need to do the same if they want answers.
Christine, this is so excellent. We were never made to rescue, fix or save but we continue to barrel ahead leaving ourselves frustrated and the person we tried to help in not much better shape than they were before. Thank you for covering this important topic ... it's a subject I've become increasingly passionate about over the years.
I'm a recovering fixer too. When I trained to be a life and leadership coach a few years ago, it was so hard to stop giving advice. But it changed my entire outlook on ministry. I'm sending your post out to my Befrienders Care Team. We often say, "Care, not cure." Now we will say, "It's not about the nail!"
Running the risk of, er, fixing, I would like to commend this post to everyone, and in particular those in helping professions, or those who want to be.
I needed these reminders today friend. Thank You! Sharing with my spiritual directors in training as well.
My husband I have watched this hilarious (and accurate) video a ton of times. I appreciate your nuanced and realistic approach to the difficulty of discerning right action, or even inner knowing of what we need. Your example of Earl is very moving, it's one I will hold close to my heart when I am navigating difficult situations. Sadly it is also a reminder of how many times I got it wrong.
Thank you for this excellent essay Christine!
ah, the story under the story. it takes time, pauses, patience. "I just wish i could fix this." beautiful Christine. your students have a wise supervisor.
I think I’m going to assign this post to my CPE students. Maybe you can ‘fix’ the ‘fixing’.
But, if I’m being honest, the need to help or to fix is part of the reason I become a rabbi. I wanted everyone to experience what I found so helpful and meaningful through my values, community, and beliefs. It was not a terrible impulse-but it did lead to a lot of frustration and exhaustion on my part.
This is such a great post, Christine. Thank you for writing and sharing it. The fixer thing is real. As a former physical therapist, it could be tricky at times because as a healthcare provider, people do expect you to fix their problem. As I learned more and more about how trauma and illness affect the body, and how interconnected emotions and the physical body state could be, it became a more difficult role for me to take on. Having also trained as a spiritual director in my past, I knew the deep and vital value of non-fixing and holding space instead. It's a tricky line to tow in the healthcare field...
This is a great discussion Christine. When I was a pastor I was always in fixing mode but when I became a spiritual director I turned that mode off. So difficult to do when that’s your go to. Thankfully I’m so accustomed to listening mode that I resist fixing even when my directees are wanting me to make a decision for them. But the ones I’ve journeyed with the longest know that asking questions and listening is my practice and they need to do the same if they want answers.
Christine, this is so excellent. We were never made to rescue, fix or save but we continue to barrel ahead leaving ourselves frustrated and the person we tried to help in not much better shape than they were before. Thank you for covering this important topic ... it's a subject I've become increasingly passionate about over the years.
"Fixing someone else’s issue is sometimes more about us and our needs and less about the other person."
Yes! and it can be a way to avoid our own pain or discomfort.