ahh sweet silence. thanks for your helpful words here. I am considering unplugging from my phone on election day and maybe the day after, too. I don't think it would be good for my soul to follow the torturous news cycle, a roller coaster ride over which I have zero control.
Unplugging from one's phone the next two days sounds like a good practice in the face of anxiety and helplessness. I might join you in this, thanks for naming it here.
Maybe I'm projecting, but I'm guessing the main sounds in the hospital that drive people nits aren't the human voices, but all the beeps,dings, and alarms. (All of which to say that the yakker tracker $$ could have been better spent on calibrating monitors so they don't alarm inappropriately). Anyway, “just center yourself and wait for God.” that was worth the price of admission in and of itself. My internal prayer monologuing tends to be very loud as well. I have been trying to build my comfort with silence and break my multitasking habit by not listening to podcasts while doing chores.
I'm with you, folding laundry just goes so much faster with a podcast or audiobook! But some chores, the silence is a little more welcome (watering plants, cooking, etc).
And I think you're right re: the hospital. It is perception of noise, which is certainly alarms, but also getting woken up every two hours for vitals, as one of my patients complained to me about today.
Oh I remember those days. I'm now in the stage of parenting when I look at the kids' clothes and sometimes I'm not sure if if the shirts and socks are the kids' or mine or my husbands!
This statement “What if we were to stop and have a moment of silence throughout our days when preparing for something or marking the occasion of an activity ending?”
Made me think of a simple practice I learned in my spiritual director training a “statio pause” just what you suggest intentional moment of silence and awareness throughout the day, or at points of transition. I love this idea, oh if it were only so easy to implement!! Thank you for this thoughtful essay.
I hadn't heard of the term "statio pause" before - thanks for introducing it to me, what a lovely term and very similar concept! And yes, so much easier said that done!
I didn't know about the shock experiment. And talking about the yak-meter is a great visual for thinking about the noise in our life. One big negative to silence that came to mind is the action/phrase "he/she is giving me the silent treatment." We don't want the silent treatment (and to be ignored). When God feels silent, I hear from others the thought that something felt wrong and that God is angry with them. ... I did enjoy the song at the end and have added to one of my playlists - thanks for sharing it! I've never heard of it nor the artist before.
You are right - the silent treatment or stonewalling is the opposite of what we want in relationship! And I agree, it is so hard when we feel the slience from God or feelings of abandonment.
Glad you enjoyed the song. I heard it this summer playing at a spa in the Swiss Alps!
Christine, thank you so much for this. You've packed so much spiritual yet very practical wisdom into every line. We are a people that never shut up and have no idea how to listen well. You've reminded us that there is a better way to minister to others in stillness of spirit and voice ... and be present and quiet so that we can hear God minister to our own crazed souls.
Thanks Linda. It is so hard to shut up in this noise obsessed world, especially in the last few days. Your writing so often speaks to the value of slowing down and tending to those quiet parts of our life and our sould!
Thank you, Christine. I’m getting increasingly comfortable with silence. I used to fill it with an empty kind of blabbering but now I try to think first always, and remember to pause and just wrestle a bit with the silence, in the presence of others. I loved your suggestion of spiritual habit-stacking, too! I complexly agree that silence is when we often get most in touch with ourselves and also be our most creative, as the thoughts we have an intuitive nudges, often lead to wonderful ideas and projects. This was great, thank you!
Thanks Gayle. It is such a hard-won practice because it's the opposite of the world in which we live. Also, as a podcast host, your job is literally to avoid silences! You don't want dead air!
Actually, it’s funny you should say that, as I had an episode with a hospice director recently, and at one point she was recounting a very personal story of losing her sister and she broke down and couldn’t speak for several seconds ( which is a long time on a podcast!) , but I told me editor to leave it in, as I wanted to honour and respect her pain and story. She was grateful for that but I got a lot of negative feedback for leaving that long pause in! People are not at all comfortable with silence, as you so rightly point out.
Oh that is a perfect example of how we should honor silence. I understand that without the non-verbal cues of visual listening it can be hard to translate to a podcast. I sometimes find it difficult to hold silent space over the phone with people, because they can't see that I'm nodding, making eye-contact, etc. That is wild that you got negative feedback afterwards and does speak to the fact that people don't know what to do with slience, but what a beautiful way to honor the intensity of what was shared.
I love the silence of early morning. I remember when I had to get up early for business school -- I would stand by the window and watch the sun rise in the distance as I drank my coffee. Unfortunately, I'm not a morning person and these moments are few and far between, but it's one of the joys of getting up early.
Oh I think drinking coffee is a meditative practice all it's own! And that you combined it with silence and appreciating nature, that is a great trifecta! I'm curious as you write/edit your book, if you've done so in silence or if you prefer noise/music/etc?
All of your letters are meaningful to me- but something about this one- just CLICKS. Thank you so much for the beautiful art, the encouragement to embrace skycology under the clouds, and just getting quiet in general. As an introvert and non-verbal processor, I often feel less than in the arena of showing up for others. Your words feel like a nod to my existence. Thank you, CVD.
Skycology! What a great term, I love it! I do find that introverts have a secret super power when it comes to being quiet with others. It comes much more naturally to them. I often need to encourage my introverted students that this is a huge gift!
I love the footnote at the bottom about the moms loving the silence. Now that I am a mom, I appreciate silence more and would rather sit being quiet than be shocked. Although I do have a hard time sitting still and prefer to use my quiet time walking in nature and could do that for hours.
I definitely have a new appreciation for silence on the other side of motherhood! What a perfect way to combine silence with movement and nature - you are getting three spiritual practices in one!
What a lovely post about the value of silence! I'm a big fan of silent retreats and try to take at least one annually. I began silent retreats about fifteen years ago. My husband remarked that I came back form silent weekends more ready to engage with my family, so that seemed like a win-win. I began with weekend retreats and now do an eight day retreat every summer.
I've also recently begun the practice of turning my phone completely off on Sundays. I love not having texts come through and not being able to search online for every little query that crosses my mind.
Thanks for sharing about how much you value silence and what a gift it has been to your life. Where do you go for your retreats? The same place each time, or do you mix it up?
What a great practice of turning your phone off on Sundays. My kids implemented a "Screen Free Sunday" in our house about a year ago, but that has been for videogames, not for the adults - but I have been wondering if I should start participating too!
I have gone to several places, but now most regularly go to Eastern Pointe in Gloucester, MA for 8 day retreats. I also really like St Joseph’s passionist monastery in Whitesville, KY for shorter retreats.
I had an experience in spiritual direction last week where silence was what created space for me to really hear from God. This is such a hard practice for me because I can be a productivity queen. I'm learning to reframe silence and stillness as productive too. Thanks for validating all of this!
I am with you in the royal court of productivity! It is hard to reframe that narrative to welcome silence (thanks capitalism and Protestant work ethic!) Some of what has helped me is realizing how much my creativity increases in the quiet too. I can have writers' block when I am doing all the things, but when I stop and sit (or walk) with no distractions, so much more can unfold. It is a hard lesson and one I have to remind myself over and over agan.
May your bucket list include a silent retreat - very soon! I made a 38 day silent retreat many years ago when my son was 8. It was life changing and took a year of planning but the fruits of that time still resonate.
And I am an extrovert - still the Spirit held me. And silence is my strength now.
Suzanne, a 38 day silent retreat?! That is amazing! Also I can imagine how hard it would be to pull off with an 8 year old. I love that your still reaping the benefits from that time, even years later.
Thank you for sharing such thoughtful words on silent. I've participated in a couple silent retreats and they have been amazing. My most recent one was guided and with a group of people. It was the most refreshing experience to be "with" other people for a weekend, but all be in silence together. It was such a unique connecting piece.
Thanks for sharing about your silent retreats. I've heard from others too how much they enjoyed being with other people, but all in silence together. I think I would need to do a guided one for my first one, as I'm aware how overwhelming it can be when unstructured.
Love this, “Center yourself and wait for God. “I am going to try that this morning. I live in the south of France, and I have often noticed people sitting with their eyes closed in the sun, sometimes over looking the Mediterranean, sometimes with a cup of coffee; no phone, no book. I love that.
Maybe Europeans can sit with silence better, I'm curious about how our culture might be at play there! May you have some moments of centering in the silence in the sunshine soon!
ahh sweet silence. thanks for your helpful words here. I am considering unplugging from my phone on election day and maybe the day after, too. I don't think it would be good for my soul to follow the torturous news cycle, a roller coaster ride over which I have zero control.
Unplugging from one's phone the next two days sounds like a good practice in the face of anxiety and helplessness. I might join you in this, thanks for naming it here.
Maybe I'm projecting, but I'm guessing the main sounds in the hospital that drive people nits aren't the human voices, but all the beeps,dings, and alarms. (All of which to say that the yakker tracker $$ could have been better spent on calibrating monitors so they don't alarm inappropriately). Anyway, “just center yourself and wait for God.” that was worth the price of admission in and of itself. My internal prayer monologuing tends to be very loud as well. I have been trying to build my comfort with silence and break my multitasking habit by not listening to podcasts while doing chores.
I'm with you, folding laundry just goes so much faster with a podcast or audiobook! But some chores, the silence is a little more welcome (watering plants, cooking, etc).
And I think you're right re: the hospital. It is perception of noise, which is certainly alarms, but also getting woken up every two hours for vitals, as one of my patients complained to me about today.
Yeah, watching women's basketball or Elsbeth are my go to folding laundry moves. My children's clothes are still small enough that folding takes ages.
Oh I remember those days. I'm now in the stage of parenting when I look at the kids' clothes and sometimes I'm not sure if if the shirts and socks are the kids' or mine or my husbands!
Yes, I spent 1.5 h folding one basket of laundry the other night, it was maddening :)
This statement “What if we were to stop and have a moment of silence throughout our days when preparing for something or marking the occasion of an activity ending?”
Made me think of a simple practice I learned in my spiritual director training a “statio pause” just what you suggest intentional moment of silence and awareness throughout the day, or at points of transition. I love this idea, oh if it were only so easy to implement!! Thank you for this thoughtful essay.
I hadn't heard of the term "statio pause" before - thanks for introducing it to me, what a lovely term and very similar concept! And yes, so much easier said that done!
Dave's loves silence.
After a not quiet lifw
the antithesis is not all
that. go kiss somebody.
I didn't know about the shock experiment. And talking about the yak-meter is a great visual for thinking about the noise in our life. One big negative to silence that came to mind is the action/phrase "he/she is giving me the silent treatment." We don't want the silent treatment (and to be ignored). When God feels silent, I hear from others the thought that something felt wrong and that God is angry with them. ... I did enjoy the song at the end and have added to one of my playlists - thanks for sharing it! I've never heard of it nor the artist before.
You are right - the silent treatment or stonewalling is the opposite of what we want in relationship! And I agree, it is so hard when we feel the slience from God or feelings of abandonment.
Glad you enjoyed the song. I heard it this summer playing at a spa in the Swiss Alps!
virtually?
Christine, thank you so much for this. You've packed so much spiritual yet very practical wisdom into every line. We are a people that never shut up and have no idea how to listen well. You've reminded us that there is a better way to minister to others in stillness of spirit and voice ... and be present and quiet so that we can hear God minister to our own crazed souls.
Thanks Linda. It is so hard to shut up in this noise obsessed world, especially in the last few days. Your writing so often speaks to the value of slowing down and tending to those quiet parts of our life and our sould!
Thank you, Christine. I’m getting increasingly comfortable with silence. I used to fill it with an empty kind of blabbering but now I try to think first always, and remember to pause and just wrestle a bit with the silence, in the presence of others. I loved your suggestion of spiritual habit-stacking, too! I complexly agree that silence is when we often get most in touch with ourselves and also be our most creative, as the thoughts we have an intuitive nudges, often lead to wonderful ideas and projects. This was great, thank you!
Thanks Gayle. It is such a hard-won practice because it's the opposite of the world in which we live. Also, as a podcast host, your job is literally to avoid silences! You don't want dead air!
Actually, it’s funny you should say that, as I had an episode with a hospice director recently, and at one point she was recounting a very personal story of losing her sister and she broke down and couldn’t speak for several seconds ( which is a long time on a podcast!) , but I told me editor to leave it in, as I wanted to honour and respect her pain and story. She was grateful for that but I got a lot of negative feedback for leaving that long pause in! People are not at all comfortable with silence, as you so rightly point out.
Oh that is a perfect example of how we should honor silence. I understand that without the non-verbal cues of visual listening it can be hard to translate to a podcast. I sometimes find it difficult to hold silent space over the phone with people, because they can't see that I'm nodding, making eye-contact, etc. That is wild that you got negative feedback afterwards and does speak to the fact that people don't know what to do with slience, but what a beautiful way to honor the intensity of what was shared.
Thank you, Christine:)
I have difficult sitting in silence. I find sound therapy such as singing bowls or repetitive mantras helpful to quiet my monkey mind. 🧘🏽
Oooh, have you been to a sound bath? I haven't seen one happen around here in a while, but I have loved them in the past!
Great job. Loved the yack tracker and that’s so true about hospitals! Valuable article on quiet.
Thanks Susan! Hospitals are not always that space of healing we want them to be! I hope you find some valuable moments of quiet in your day today.
So true. Thank you! I hope this for you as well.
I had a long commute in the rain today, but found myself leaning into the silence in that time!
Yes. Sometimes this can be soothing.
I love the silence of early morning. I remember when I had to get up early for business school -- I would stand by the window and watch the sun rise in the distance as I drank my coffee. Unfortunately, I'm not a morning person and these moments are few and far between, but it's one of the joys of getting up early.
Oh I think drinking coffee is a meditative practice all it's own! And that you combined it with silence and appreciating nature, that is a great trifecta! I'm curious as you write/edit your book, if you've done so in silence or if you prefer noise/music/etc?
Music. Otherwise I get distracted by random sounds. Music at least I control what I hear, which can put me in somewhat of a meditative state.
All of your letters are meaningful to me- but something about this one- just CLICKS. Thank you so much for the beautiful art, the encouragement to embrace skycology under the clouds, and just getting quiet in general. As an introvert and non-verbal processor, I often feel less than in the arena of showing up for others. Your words feel like a nod to my existence. Thank you, CVD.
Skycology! What a great term, I love it! I do find that introverts have a secret super power when it comes to being quiet with others. It comes much more naturally to them. I often need to encourage my introverted students that this is a huge gift!
🥹🤍
I love the footnote at the bottom about the moms loving the silence. Now that I am a mom, I appreciate silence more and would rather sit being quiet than be shocked. Although I do have a hard time sitting still and prefer to use my quiet time walking in nature and could do that for hours.
I definitely have a new appreciation for silence on the other side of motherhood! What a perfect way to combine silence with movement and nature - you are getting three spiritual practices in one!
What a lovely post about the value of silence! I'm a big fan of silent retreats and try to take at least one annually. I began silent retreats about fifteen years ago. My husband remarked that I came back form silent weekends more ready to engage with my family, so that seemed like a win-win. I began with weekend retreats and now do an eight day retreat every summer.
I've also recently begun the practice of turning my phone completely off on Sundays. I love not having texts come through and not being able to search online for every little query that crosses my mind.
Thanks for sharing about how much you value silence and what a gift it has been to your life. Where do you go for your retreats? The same place each time, or do you mix it up?
What a great practice of turning your phone off on Sundays. My kids implemented a "Screen Free Sunday" in our house about a year ago, but that has been for videogames, not for the adults - but I have been wondering if I should start participating too!
I have gone to several places, but now most regularly go to Eastern Pointe in Gloucester, MA for 8 day retreats. I also really like St Joseph’s passionist monastery in Whitesville, KY for shorter retreats.
I had an experience in spiritual direction last week where silence was what created space for me to really hear from God. This is such a hard practice for me because I can be a productivity queen. I'm learning to reframe silence and stillness as productive too. Thanks for validating all of this!
I am with you in the royal court of productivity! It is hard to reframe that narrative to welcome silence (thanks capitalism and Protestant work ethic!) Some of what has helped me is realizing how much my creativity increases in the quiet too. I can have writers' block when I am doing all the things, but when I stop and sit (or walk) with no distractions, so much more can unfold. It is a hard lesson and one I have to remind myself over and over agan.
Christine
May your bucket list include a silent retreat - very soon! I made a 38 day silent retreat many years ago when my son was 8. It was life changing and took a year of planning but the fruits of that time still resonate.
And I am an extrovert - still the Spirit held me. And silence is my strength now.
Suzanne, a 38 day silent retreat?! That is amazing! Also I can imagine how hard it would be to pull off with an 8 year old. I love that your still reaping the benefits from that time, even years later.
Worth the effort! Highly recommend. And we all need silence and nature more than ever now❤️
Absolutely!
Thank you for sharing such thoughtful words on silent. I've participated in a couple silent retreats and they have been amazing. My most recent one was guided and with a group of people. It was the most refreshing experience to be "with" other people for a weekend, but all be in silence together. It was such a unique connecting piece.
Thanks for sharing about your silent retreats. I've heard from others too how much they enjoyed being with other people, but all in silence together. I think I would need to do a guided one for my first one, as I'm aware how overwhelming it can be when unstructured.
Love this, “Center yourself and wait for God. “I am going to try that this morning. I live in the south of France, and I have often noticed people sitting with their eyes closed in the sun, sometimes over looking the Mediterranean, sometimes with a cup of coffee; no phone, no book. I love that.
Maybe Europeans can sit with silence better, I'm curious about how our culture might be at play there! May you have some moments of centering in the silence in the sunshine soon!