So insightful. Thank you. While I was reading it, I found myself wondering about Spiritual loss. Maybe that’s not a good name, but the “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Kind of loss. Is there a certain kind of grief associated with that? Scripture is actually filled with it as are the stories of the mystics and the Saints. I certainly have experienced it. Of course it’s not that God is lost, but we’ve lost our ability to connect with God. I’ve never called it grieving before but after reading this, I think it makes sense. Hmmm…. More to chew on.
Thanks for reading. You are absolutely right - a concept like spiritual loss can also be a grief - could be relational and/or intraspyschic, if our worldview and how we understand our faith has changed. I'm actually preparing two other posts on this topic you raise - one on spiritual distress and the other on asking why of God (why have you forsaken me and/or why is something happening to me) - so lots more to come!
Christine this is such an important piece. I love that you're a grief evangelist. Thank you for the clarifications on the different types. It amazes me how many men and some women directees that I have are clueless about loss in general, especially intrapsychic loss. Just a general thought, but our society does not really honor lamenting or grieving to the extent that we need to be. Thanks again for your wonderful work, Christine.
I absolutely agree that our society does not honor lamenting and grieving. Too many myths about grief and the pressure "to move on" rather than "move with." And thanks for restacking!
This is so important. Thank you for writing this, Christine. In fact, even though I've been trained as a chaplain, I don't think I've currently been bringing this awareness into my role pastoring a church. It's helping me see some current congregational issues in a somewhat different frame.
Oh I'm glad it can be helpful in the congregational setting. I just did a training on these types of loss to our Deacons and I think their heads were spinning afterwards.
Ha! Yeah, I can imagine. I wish you could come do that for us. (You know how sometimes you stop being able to hear the person that’s closest?) Anyway, yes. There are definitely transferable ideas.
I agree and feel like a Debbie Downer about it, but being on a university campus, I’m utterly convinced that more than half the emotional work of college is learning how to deal with transitions—and all the small and large griefs that come with it. New classes, new professors, new syllabi, alongside new identities, new family dynamics, new worldviews, new friend configurations—it’s a lot to learn and unlearn and relearn.
I’m working hard to socialize and promote the idea of chaplains (not just religious leaders) for this very reason.
I never thought about it from the college chaplaincy experience, but that would be a revolving door of losses! And year after year from a systemic perspective also. Glad you are bringing chaplaincy to where it needs to be.
Also, as an aside, because you'd appreciate it, I just saw Debbie Downer in real life last weekend - Rachel Dratch came out in her character during Tina Fey & Amy Poehler's comedy tour!
Thank you for that post, Christine, and for pointing out that loss is in the eye of the beholder, and that any change in life brings the realization that things will never be as they once were. It is not an experience unique to losing someone.
I like the idea of being a Loss Detective. I'm reading David Brooks' book- How to Know a Person- and he talks about developing the skill of seeing another person. Part of that involves being able to see what a person is experiencing and then recognizing that what the other person might need is not what I would need at that same moment. Being a Loss Detective is a wonderful piece of this process- seeing the suffering of another and not recoiling. What a kindness to be able to extend.
That book is on my nightstand in my pile waiting to be read! And yes, we didn't even get into the hardest part of being a loss dectective here - we just looked at how to identify the loss, but how do you stay with it and attend to it?! More posts to come on that!
This is an excellent synopsis (such a cold, hard word for such a delicate, gut-wrenching topic) of loss.
Thanks Donna, I wanted to create a glossary of all the different types of loss so we can have a shared language to name our pain.
So insightful. Thank you. While I was reading it, I found myself wondering about Spiritual loss. Maybe that’s not a good name, but the “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Kind of loss. Is there a certain kind of grief associated with that? Scripture is actually filled with it as are the stories of the mystics and the Saints. I certainly have experienced it. Of course it’s not that God is lost, but we’ve lost our ability to connect with God. I’ve never called it grieving before but after reading this, I think it makes sense. Hmmm…. More to chew on.
Thanks for reading. You are absolutely right - a concept like spiritual loss can also be a grief - could be relational and/or intraspyschic, if our worldview and how we understand our faith has changed. I'm actually preparing two other posts on this topic you raise - one on spiritual distress and the other on asking why of God (why have you forsaken me and/or why is something happening to me) - so lots more to come!
Christine this is such an important piece. I love that you're a grief evangelist. Thank you for the clarifications on the different types. It amazes me how many men and some women directees that I have are clueless about loss in general, especially intrapsychic loss. Just a general thought, but our society does not really honor lamenting or grieving to the extent that we need to be. Thanks again for your wonderful work, Christine.
I absolutely agree that our society does not honor lamenting and grieving. Too many myths about grief and the pressure "to move on" rather than "move with." And thanks for restacking!
Thought-provoking
Thanks for reading!
This is so important. Thank you for writing this, Christine. In fact, even though I've been trained as a chaplain, I don't think I've currently been bringing this awareness into my role pastoring a church. It's helping me see some current congregational issues in a somewhat different frame.
Oh I'm glad it can be helpful in the congregational setting. I just did a training on these types of loss to our Deacons and I think their heads were spinning afterwards.
Ha! Yeah, I can imagine. I wish you could come do that for us. (You know how sometimes you stop being able to hear the person that’s closest?) Anyway, yes. There are definitely transferable ideas.
Yes! Beautiful! Very helpful.
I agree and feel like a Debbie Downer about it, but being on a university campus, I’m utterly convinced that more than half the emotional work of college is learning how to deal with transitions—and all the small and large griefs that come with it. New classes, new professors, new syllabi, alongside new identities, new family dynamics, new worldviews, new friend configurations—it’s a lot to learn and unlearn and relearn.
I’m working hard to socialize and promote the idea of chaplains (not just religious leaders) for this very reason.
So thanks for sharing and keep writing 🙌
I never thought about it from the college chaplaincy experience, but that would be a revolving door of losses! And year after year from a systemic perspective also. Glad you are bringing chaplaincy to where it needs to be.
Also, as an aside, because you'd appreciate it, I just saw Debbie Downer in real life last weekend - Rachel Dratch came out in her character during Tina Fey & Amy Poehler's comedy tour!
Thank you for that post, Christine, and for pointing out that loss is in the eye of the beholder, and that any change in life brings the realization that things will never be as they once were. It is not an experience unique to losing someone.
Yes, and so many changes (=loss=grief) that come with motherhood in particular!
Grief is constant! *mind blown*
Yes! This is why I'm no fun at dinner parties!
What a tender, exceptional overview to one of life's steady experiences. Over time I've learned the healthy necessity of grieving as you go ...
Grieving as you go - what a great summary of the gief experience. (And I'm a sucker for alliteration)
I like the idea of being a Loss Detective. I'm reading David Brooks' book- How to Know a Person- and he talks about developing the skill of seeing another person. Part of that involves being able to see what a person is experiencing and then recognizing that what the other person might need is not what I would need at that same moment. Being a Loss Detective is a wonderful piece of this process- seeing the suffering of another and not recoiling. What a kindness to be able to extend.
That book is on my nightstand in my pile waiting to be read! And yes, we didn't even get into the hardest part of being a loss dectective here - we just looked at how to identify the loss, but how do you stay with it and attend to it?! More posts to come on that!
Great information here. I really appreciate having a new term, “intrapsychic loss”, to help verbalize that experience.
Yes, that loss speaks to many hard to articulate experiences!