I love this post, Christine. The self-care conversation has grown old and tired on the surface, but as you may know, I also recently wrote about it, and I think your writing here also gets at that deeper layer of really helping us to understand that the mindset and "soul-set" around self care is the conversation we need to be in now. Am I worthy of self-care? Am I deserving of putting myself before others? So many interesting somatic responses come up for me around those as a helping professional. So good!
Oooh, I love the term "soul set"! These are all great questions for us to be asking ourselves, and I find they are so common. Can you put the link to your post here so others can find it and I can re-read it!?
This is so wonderful and so needed. Thank you for this, Christine. I am so guilty of pushing back on every single one of those steps you pointed out. Therapy, a mindfulness practice, and adherence to a discipline of self-care have really saved my mental health. I use to apologize for taking time for my self-care now it is who I am--no apologies needed. My wife, a wonderfully giving therapist for over 30 years, is almost pushing back on the idea of self-care but is now coming to terms with it. This is such an essential need for caregivers and I'm so happy that you're promoting its importance. Thanks again, Christine.
I love that you no longer apologize! It is so hard to embrace these steps and like you said, has also taken me years of work. I'm glad your wife is getting on the self-care mindset train too. Us helping professionals can be so hypocritical at times!
Thanks Christianna Joy! I'm glad to hear it, as this post seemed to be the one that generated the most unsubscribes I've ever had! 😂I was trying to figure out if it was the list format, the self-care topic or something else....
I never would have guessed! It’s always unpredictable—what will attract and what will detract our readers. I’m sure I don’t have an answer for this one!
So timely for me as well! I've been thinking alot about this is relation to my usual spiritual practices. Centering prayer is a must for me. It's summer now, which = kids out of school = "usual" becomes sporadic. Ha! I think it's come down to accepting that I need/desire to roll myself out of bed before the kids are up to spend time alone w/ God. But the struggle is real!
Ah Janell, I've been working on a piece about centering prayer and one on silence in general - and your reality is so similar to mine. It is so very hard to get any amount of quiet, intentional time with the chaotic nature of kids and their schedules! I'm with you in the struggle!
Just read it and could not believe all of our commonalities. Also, reminded me I still have yet to read Remarkably Bright Creatures (it's been on my Libby holds for quite some time!)
Thank you again for a great post! Resonates so much with me, lifted my spirits and relieved a sense of pressure that has been building. I realize I have allowed a lot of the small self-care practices slide. I love the reminder simply to drink water! Thank you.
Thanks Joyce, I'm glad this helped. You are not alone in letting the small practices slide! And as I'm typing this I'm thinking - have I drank any water yet today?!!
First, this is like the third time this week Heschel has come up, sounds like I need to read him again ASAP. For me, I try to multitask while resting, which makes it much less rest-y, which probably has something to do with those first two or 4, or 7 :)
One thing I'd like to add to the conversation is the need for community care. I think that one reason self-care doesn't feel natural to us is because we used to not have to do nearly as much of it because we tended to others when they needed it and kept an eye out for what they need.
Oh that's too funny about Heschel, I feared I was taking him out of context a bit, but his wisdowm is so rich, it crosses concepts. And I feel you on the multi-tasking, that could be a post in and of itself.
I appreciate your thoughts on community care, I think this is a major loss for our society. We are so individualized to our detriment and don't have the support and culture that sustains that.
Oh Christine, this is just a wonderful post, I learn so much from your wisdom! That is so true that self care and self indulgence are so different; and yes, self-care does not need to cost money!
I read something recently from the Daily Word on resilience that gave me pause, “Although I am strong in mind, body, and soul, I still need to practice self-care to maintain my resilience. Even in a world of busyness and speed, I commit to relaxation, community, and spiritual practice.” isn’t that great? I just love that resilience and self-care are related!
This is perfectly timed for summer mom mode - where I feel like I don't have time to rest between the perpetual swimming, laundry, outside activities, vacation prep, and kids staying up later than normal - thanks for the reminder that it starts with a mindset.
Oh I am totally with you in the summer mom mode. I always forget the added toll it takes, especially when it's meant to be an easier time of year for many.
I listened while brushing my teeth and combing out my hair this morning. This was written with such kindness, awareness and truth. Thank you for affirming that self-care is not sel-fish. 🤍
I laughed out loud when I began to read your excellent post Christine, not because it's funny but because I had JUST written about this exact thing for next week. Here's a quote from the first paragraph:
"I require constant reminding. This has always bewildered me. I’ve noticed my patients do too, so perhaps it’s part of the human condition to forget things that will help us. I decided to make up a short reminder list". I use the words mindset, distraction, to-do list. It's as if we are in each others heads (again!).
Thank you for this essay. I appreciate how you call me out on the road blocks I inevitably set up for myself, you pretty much nailed them all. There is nothing like someone seeing right through me to make me take a deeper look at myself.
I love the synchronicity! Please post it here so others can read your thoughts on it too. I realized in writing this, there is so much more to say and I'm glad you're saying it!
I love this post, Christine. The self-care conversation has grown old and tired on the surface, but as you may know, I also recently wrote about it, and I think your writing here also gets at that deeper layer of really helping us to understand that the mindset and "soul-set" around self care is the conversation we need to be in now. Am I worthy of self-care? Am I deserving of putting myself before others? So many interesting somatic responses come up for me around those as a helping professional. So good!
Oooh, I love the term "soul set"! These are all great questions for us to be asking ourselves, and I find they are so common. Can you put the link to your post here so others can find it and I can re-read it!?
yes, such a good conversation! Here's my recent post: https://bethannefisher.substack.com/p/not-another-post-about-self-care
This is so wonderful and so needed. Thank you for this, Christine. I am so guilty of pushing back on every single one of those steps you pointed out. Therapy, a mindfulness practice, and adherence to a discipline of self-care have really saved my mental health. I use to apologize for taking time for my self-care now it is who I am--no apologies needed. My wife, a wonderfully giving therapist for over 30 years, is almost pushing back on the idea of self-care but is now coming to terms with it. This is such an essential need for caregivers and I'm so happy that you're promoting its importance. Thanks again, Christine.
I love that you no longer apologize! It is so hard to embrace these steps and like you said, has also taken me years of work. I'm glad your wife is getting on the self-care mindset train too. Us helping professionals can be so hypocritical at times!
I love your lists. Keep them coming.
Thanks Christianna Joy! I'm glad to hear it, as this post seemed to be the one that generated the most unsubscribes I've ever had! 😂I was trying to figure out if it was the list format, the self-care topic or something else....
I never would have guessed! It’s always unpredictable—what will attract and what will detract our readers. I’m sure I don’t have an answer for this one!
I probably shouldn't overthink the unsubscribes!!
All 7 are terrible sins of pride masquerading as selflessness, vocation and self-sacrifice. And quiet screams for affirmation.
When I came up with 7 of them, I was so close to trying to link each one to one of the 7 deadly sins!
So timely for me as well! I've been thinking alot about this is relation to my usual spiritual practices. Centering prayer is a must for me. It's summer now, which = kids out of school = "usual" becomes sporadic. Ha! I think it's come down to accepting that I need/desire to roll myself out of bed before the kids are up to spend time alone w/ God. But the struggle is real!
Ah Janell, I've been working on a piece about centering prayer and one on silence in general - and your reality is so similar to mine. It is so very hard to get any amount of quiet, intentional time with the chaotic nature of kids and their schedules! I'm with you in the struggle!
Thank you Christine! My most recent piece (Remarkably Loved Creatures) is totally related. 🥂
Awesome, I will read it shortly - can you link it here so others can also benfit from your wisdom?
https://open.substack.com/pub/janell/p/remarkably-loved-creatures?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2rddb
Thanks Christine!
Just read it and could not believe all of our commonalities. Also, reminded me I still have yet to read Remarkably Bright Creatures (it's been on my Libby holds for quite some time!)
I know! Thanks for reading Christine.
Remarkably Bright Creatures is a delight to read
Thank you again for a great post! Resonates so much with me, lifted my spirits and relieved a sense of pressure that has been building. I realize I have allowed a lot of the small self-care practices slide. I love the reminder simply to drink water! Thank you.
Thanks Joyce, I'm glad this helped. You are not alone in letting the small practices slide! And as I'm typing this I'm thinking - have I drank any water yet today?!!
First, this is like the third time this week Heschel has come up, sounds like I need to read him again ASAP. For me, I try to multitask while resting, which makes it much less rest-y, which probably has something to do with those first two or 4, or 7 :)
One thing I'd like to add to the conversation is the need for community care. I think that one reason self-care doesn't feel natural to us is because we used to not have to do nearly as much of it because we tended to others when they needed it and kept an eye out for what they need.
Oh that's too funny about Heschel, I feared I was taking him out of context a bit, but his wisdowm is so rich, it crosses concepts. And I feel you on the multi-tasking, that could be a post in and of itself.
I appreciate your thoughts on community care, I think this is a major loss for our society. We are so individualized to our detriment and don't have the support and culture that sustains that.
Turns out I have 3 books by Heschel on my kindle thatI didn't know were there!
Oh what a fun surprise! I'm curious to hear which one you read first!
Oh Christine, this is just a wonderful post, I learn so much from your wisdom! That is so true that self care and self indulgence are so different; and yes, self-care does not need to cost money!
I read something recently from the Daily Word on resilience that gave me pause, “Although I am strong in mind, body, and soul, I still need to practice self-care to maintain my resilience. Even in a world of busyness and speed, I commit to relaxation, community, and spiritual practice.” isn’t that great? I just love that resilience and self-care are related!
What a great quote! I've been thinking about how resilence correlates and this sums it up perfectly.
This is perfectly timed for summer mom mode - where I feel like I don't have time to rest between the perpetual swimming, laundry, outside activities, vacation prep, and kids staying up later than normal - thanks for the reminder that it starts with a mindset.
Oh I am totally with you in the summer mom mode. I always forget the added toll it takes, especially when it's meant to be an easier time of year for many.
I listened while brushing my teeth and combing out my hair this morning. This was written with such kindness, awareness and truth. Thank you for affirming that self-care is not sel-fish. 🤍
I love that you listened to this while engaging in some of your daily self-care practices!
I laughed out loud when I began to read your excellent post Christine, not because it's funny but because I had JUST written about this exact thing for next week. Here's a quote from the first paragraph:
"I require constant reminding. This has always bewildered me. I’ve noticed my patients do too, so perhaps it’s part of the human condition to forget things that will help us. I decided to make up a short reminder list". I use the words mindset, distraction, to-do list. It's as if we are in each others heads (again!).
Thank you for this essay. I appreciate how you call me out on the road blocks I inevitably set up for myself, you pretty much nailed them all. There is nothing like someone seeing right through me to make me take a deeper look at myself.
I love the synchronicity! Please post it here so others can read your thoughts on it too. I realized in writing this, there is so much more to say and I'm glad you're saying it!
Thanks I'll do that and I'll also share your essay with my readers to round out what I'm saying.